I know, I know, I’m a little late with this, my 2014 awards list, but better late than never, right? Anyway, these are called The Christine-ies, in the style of Michael Scott’s yearly Dunder Mifflin awards ceremony, The Dundies. If only I could gather all of these winners in a room, preferably at a Chili’s, so I could emcee and make lots of terrible jokes. Maybe for the 2015 awards. Anyway, on towiththe show — ladies and gentlemen, I gave you, the First Annual Christine-ies!
The Cordelia Chase Award for Character I’ll Miss Most on a Television Program: Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy.
Ya know, I seriously considered giving this award to the late, great Mona Vanderwaal from Pretty Little Liars, but I know we’ll see Mona again (see: her ubiquitous and AMAZING presence in the PLL Christmas special and flashback Mona in this week’s winter premiere). Cristina Yang, not so much. During her final run of appearances on Grey’s Anatomy, I realized that I never appreciated Dr. Yang as much as I should have. There is truly no other television character like her. A true friend, a serious career woman, and one who doesn’t just pay lip service to the idea of not needing a relationship to be happy; she’s a woman who lived that. (Contrast Yang with another character whom I love deeply: Miranda Hobbes. I supported Miranda and Steve a lot, but would you really have imagined early Sex and the City Miranda ending up married, with a kid, and living in Brooklyn?) Dr. Yang went out in the best way possible—after a dance party with her person, Meredith Grey, and after giving Meredith the greatest advice of all time: “He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.” There is truly nothing better that she could have said. I miss her so much already. Thanks for being you, Cristina Yang. You’re the best.
The “Teenage Dream” Award for Single of the Year: “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift.
Look, clearly, this was going to go to a Taylor song. We all know how I feel about Taylor. Apologies to Ariana Grande (“Problem,” “Break Free,” and “Love Me Harder” were all in the mix), Chromeo (“Jealous (I Ain’t With It)”), The War On Drugs (“Red Eyes”), Bleachers (“I Wanna Get Better”), and One Direction (“Steal My Girl”). Important note: this award is for SINGLE of the year, not song of the year. Hence why “Style” is not the winner. So why “Shake It Off” over “Blank Space”? Well, for one, according to my iTunes I’ve listened to “Shake It Off” 578 times since I downloaded it That’s probably a low estimate. It dominated my life for an entire month after it came out and I’m pretty sure I’ve still never turned it off or skipped it on shuffle. It’s a powerhouse. It’s the single of the year from the record of the year. Done and done. (At least until Taylor releases “Style” as a single.)
The 10 Things I Hate About You Award for Teen Movie of the Year: The Fault In Our Stars.
(Note: Friend of Christine Regina asked whether Divergent and Mockingjay were considered for this award. They weren’t really, to be honest. Though I loved Mockingjay and thought Divergent was okay, neither of those movies really fit this spirit of this award, named after my favorite of the great late-90s/early 2000s teen romances.)
I foolishly tried to deny The Fault In Our Stars. It worked, right up until the movie trailer came out. The truth is, I can’t resist Shailene Woodley. Or a teen romance with an adorable romantic lead. (And Ansel Elgort is nothing if not absolutely adorable.) And hey, as it turns out, this movie was utterly charming. It was incredibly well acted, it was schmaltzy, but not too much so, and it also had that rad Charli XCX song “Boom Clap.” All around, a real tour de force of a teen romance.
The Lauren Conrad Award for Reality Star of the Year: Stassi Schroeder, Vanderpump Rules
To be honest, this has not been Stassi’s greatest season on Vanderpump. True, 2014 did include the end of season two, in which Stassi schemes to out Kristen and Jax for all their lying and cheating (and it totally works), but in season three (still going on now!), Stassi just hasn’t been that much of a fixture. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that she no longer works at SUR, the restaurant around which the entire program is centered. So why, given her decreased presence, is Stassi still the Lauren Conrad Award winner? Um, because she’s still the best! She had far and away the exchange of this year in reality programming with Scheana at SUR, culminating in this zinger, “I’m not really sure what I’ve done to you, but I’ll take a pinot grigio.” ZING!! If you haven’t seen it, check it out here. For that scene alone, Stassi Schroeder is the winner of the inaugural Lauren Conrad Award.
The Heidi Montag/Jill Zarin Award for Worst Reality Person of the Year: Aviva Drescher, The Real Housewives of New York City.
A related award to the Lauren Conrad Award, only exactly the opposite. Do I really need to explain why Aviva is the Heidi/Jill Award winner? Seven words: Leg. On. The. Table. At. Le. Cirque. It was horrifying, hilarious, amazing, and un-freaking-believable. If you haven’t seen it yet, please do yourself a favor and watch it here immediately if not sooner. Bye, Aviva, I will most certainly not miss you next season on RHONY.
The Justin Timberlake/Nick Carter Award for Boy Band Member of the Year: Harry Styles, One Direction.
(A quick note on the name of this award—yes, Justin and Nick are sharing it. Look, I got into BSB first, as did everyone, and I tend to really hang on to the first thing I latch on to. Yeah, I’ll agree that N’SYNC has a better overall catalogue, but aren’t Millennium and No Strings Attached pretty close in terms of quality? And isn’t “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” the best song of the entire bunch? And wasn’t Nick just as cute as Justin for a while there? No? Whatever, these are my awards, just let me have this.)
Harry Styles is a freaking slam dunk here. Not only is he far and away the cutest member of 1D (the best boy band since N’SYNC by miles by the way), he’s also the primary inspiration for the best record of the year and he’s utterly freaking charming. I mean, really, just a few weeks ago, he danced with Kristen Wiig to “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” from Dirty Dancing at the Saturday Night Live after party! What could be better?? (Yes, it doesn’t hurt that he’s had only nice things to say about Taylor and the fact that they’re still friendly and that I still kind of have hope for them to reunite one day … whatever, stop judging me.)
The Pacey Witter/Andie McPhee Award for Ship of the Year: Amy and Karma, Faking It.
(Pacey + Andie 4ever.)
I believe I’ve already gushed about my love of “Karmy,” as they’re called, in my 1989 post (check it out here). Yeah, they’re not actually together, and they’ve yet to really be together on Faking It, but they’re best friends and they’re adorable and I have a lot of hope for them. Stay tuned for the second part of season two!
The USWNT vs. Brazil in the 2011 Women’s World Cup Award for Sports Moment of the Year: TJ Oshie in the Olympics.
I don’t care for hockey, but this was the most amazing sports thing I’ve seen all year and it wasn’t even really close. (And the World Cup was this summer for goodness sakes!) I woke up at the crack of dawn and dragged my butt to a bar in midtown to watch USA v. Russia with two of my best buds. We went up, they tied, they went up, we tied … my emotions were all over the place by overtime. Finally, we got to the shootout. Each team had one guy go, then another, then another. Then, after the first three, all bets were off — you could send out whichever guy you wanted. And USA coach Dan Bylsma just kept sending Oshie back out there. It was unreal watching him take shot after shot after shot. He missed a few, but he looked the same after each one. Cool, calm, like he felt like cracking a joke (or even a beer). After we won that shootout, I went absolutely nuts. The craziest I’ve ever gone over hockey, for sure. I considered buying an Oshie t-shirt. (He plays for St. Louis, which is not New York, where I live, but for once, I considered making an exception.) TJ Oshie became an American hero at a ridiculous hour of the morning in February and that was pretty freaking amazing. Oshie for America!
The “…Baby One More Time” Award for Music Video of the Year: “Just One of the Guys” – Jenny Lewis
(Let’s talk about the classic-ness of the “…Baby One More Time” music video for a minute. I’ll never forget the first time I heard that song [on a cassette tape single at my friend Brianne’s 13th birthday party] and the first time I saw the music video [on TRL, naturally]. That outfit, those dance moves, the fact that the guy in the video was her cousin … all classic late ’90s/early Britney stuff. And I loved every second of it.)
Not only is this a Jenny Lewis jam, which is already right in my wheelhouse, but guess who is in the music video? Oh, nbd, Brie Larson, Anne freaking Hathaway (aka Princess Mia), and … NBD KRISTEN FREAKING STEWART. Aka my longtime homegirl and unabashed Jenny lover herself. Basically, you tell me that Jenny Lewis wrote a dope song and put Princess Mia and K.Stew in the video and it’s getting an award from me, no questions asked.
The Tim Riggins Award for TV Hottie of the Year: Amy, Faking It.
I considered giving this award to the hottest guy on television currently, Matty McKibben from Awkward. And I love Matty, I do. But it just didn’t feel like the right answer. The right answer, the right winner for this award, is Amy Raudenfeld. She’s no Tim Riggins (no one is), but Amy is the TV hottie of 2014. And hey, this is appropriate for both Amy and Riggins: Texas Forever.
The Hermione Granger Award for Person of the Year: Taylor Swift.
(A quick note about the name of this award: Yes, I realize that Hermione Granger is not a real person. But she’s my favorite fictional character and a worthy person to emulate in real life. For that reason, Hermione Granger is the perfect person to name the Person of the Year award after.)
I mean, could I choose anyone else? Taylor could win this award every year for me, but this year, she truly deserved it. This year, Taylor solidified her position as the biggest star in the world. She did it by moving to New York, collecting a coterie of the coolest girlfriends around (shout out to Lena Dunham and Lorde!), creating a great record and releasing it into the world (without any gimmicks or tricks, I might add, ahem, Beyonce), and by being exactly the person all of her fans know she is — a kind, lovable, dork, who can’t really dance but does it anyway and goes out of her way to do nice things for people that love her. Taylor Swift wins 2014 going away and I can’t wait to see what she does next year. Long live the Swift.
Thanks for reading guys. Here’s to an even more memorable 2015!
Xo,
Christine
The Inactivity of Old Chris-teen 